The search for the perfect Western breakfast in Hanoi

Honestly, I don't know why I bother. I have only had one perfect breakfast in Vietnam. That was at the Ha An Hotel in Hoi An. It was amazing! A buffet like you have never seen. Firstly, cakes (yes, cake for breakfast!): cheesecake, chocolate cake, creme caramel. I walk past those to the "healthy" cereals (coco pops, corn flakes, etc), yoghurt, muesli (ahhhh, decadent luxury...), milk, tea and coffee on demand. Then croissant, pain au chocolat, chocolate chip bikkies in little take away packs. A wide selection of fruit all nicely cut up. A few hot dishes, usually one Vietnamese dish and one Western dish, and then.... the omelette guy. Ahhh, I love the omelette guy! Choose what you want, and he will make your omelette fresh to order. And just to finish off, there is a little selection of what we call in Australia Yum Cha, but what the rest of the world calls Dim Sum. Little dumplings and other random, unidentifiable objects which all taste yummy.

So, that was Hoi An. After extensive searching, I haven't found anything in Hanoi even coming close to that pinnacle of breakfast enjoyment.

This is what I want:

• a choice of teas, preferably served in a pot: loose tea leaves, not a tea bag,
• if I have to settle for a tea bag, I want a container to put the bag in, so I don't have to leave it on the table/in an ashtray/in my cup,
• a choice of eggs, preferably either scrambled or poached
• decent bread, not white, square lunch bread. Preferably a substantial baguette.
• decent bacon. More than an inch long. I kid you not, once we got bacon that was one bit, less than an inch long! Sorry Gecko Cafe, you don't rate because of the stinginess of that!
• If there is a sauce, eg Hollandaise, it must be HOT! Sorry Culi Cafe, you lose many, many brownie points for that, and it was not redeemed when you put the whole plate, including salad, in the microwave.
• refills of tea
• decent hot chocolate, which is thick and frothy
• a non-smoking environment
• open for breakfast until at least 11am.

OK so that's not too difficult, right?

WRONG!

So far, the best two breakfasts I have found are KOTO and Puku.

The drawback of KOTO is that, while they have an awesome buffet, almost as good as the Ha An, it finishes too early. We have got there at 9.30 am to find that they have already packed up. Next!

Puku has the Super Kiwi Breakfast. This is pretty good, the best I reckon so far in Hanoi. A big stack of good bread, sausages, mashed potatoes, tomatoes, eggs done how you want, as well as spinach and mushrooms. It is on the pricey side though, and there are a lot of smokers there, so it doesn't quite cut it with my friends. But if I had my choice, it would be Puku every time. 60 Hang Trong.

It just should be a lot easier to get a decent breakfast. I cooked bacon and eggs at home this morning and it was pretty damn good. Maybe I should quit teaching English and start my own cafe!

And I know I should try to eat like the locals. I do a lot, really, but I just can't handle Pho for breakfast. So for now I'll keep searching for the one cafe that has it all. In the meantime I'll eat my muesli and tea at home.